Entry 12/23

[Joel McHale]

Just one more guy and girl left to check in. To be honest, I don't really care who else joins the cast, because they'll just be inactive morons and get executed soon after. Predictable, I know, but hey. It's still less competition for me.

However, I'm a little surprised at Amy Winehouse making the cast. Why? Her last name. She's an alcoholic pregnant dog, and I'm shocked that she was able to do her math correctly. Or should I say meth? Still, I'm keeping my eye on her. She could just be letting us assume she's a dumb sleeper and really she's a strategic mastermind.

*suddenly bursts out laughing*

Oh, who am I kidding? She's as dumb as a box of retarded rocks. There's no way she will be able to beat me at this game. That goes for everyone else who joins. Just like these four inactive idiots who get eliminated later today, I'm gonna walk all over these other thirteen, just you see.

[Joel McHale]

So, I guess I'm not the Mole. Fuck. Host, you made a big mistake. Now there's no guarantee that I, the bitch, will make it far into the game. *sighs* Whatever.

Anyway, we got our first Mission, and the challenge is to jump out of an airplane. Simple, right? Well, it turns out that Kristen and Dennis are fucking the mission up and aren't going to jump, and they're claiming that the jumpers are sabotaging the mission. Um, then what the hell are you doing? It says in the rules that if one person does not jump, then no money will be added to the pot. So if they don't jump, then no money will be added to the pot. How moronic do you have to be to not see that?

It's clear to me that they're just trying to stir shit up, and nobody knows how to stir better shit than me. These bitches have no idea who they're messing with.

ETA: LOL, Dennis ALREADY jumped, and now he's trying to talk people out of jumping. My bad. This is fucking comedy gold right here.

[Joel McHale]

I'm trying to get myself in a shouting match with Kristen to get her to hate me so much that she won't jump. I really don't give a damn whether we win or not, as long as all the suspicion is pushed onto me, and I get everyone Executed one by one. Easiest trick in the book; bring all the attention to yourself so no one will notice the bad guy ready to smoke their asses with a pistol. Like shooting fish from a barrel.

A fucking contract? You have got to be kidding me. What are we, four? There's no way I'm going to sign it just so she could have the potential to get an exemption handed to her. This bitch is really trying to push for an exemption. Why would she be so desperate for it this early in the game? We all know Punk will probably have the best odds in getting it because his steroid-ass is in the hospital.

[Joel McHale]

Kristen calling herself entertaining made me laugh out loud. Really? You really think people find you entertaining, when what you're basically doing is being a crybaby, demanding an exemption? Annoying little twat seems more like it. Go back to your cancelled TV show and eat pies, why don't you? She is so going down, even though our rivalry could have potential record-breaking ratings. She'd make good TV; on Spike TV when she's showing her tits after all the money runs out from her television contracts and when she's kicked off the show.

[Joel McHale]

Oh, a position of power. Me likey. I could decide to go along with it, but I could just stab Kristen in the back. So many decisions. I'll just say there was a loophole or something, and not give her the exemption when the time comes. As for Tina...what a dumb bitch. "I'll only jump if everyone else does." She must think that the last person will be offered an exemption and she'll take it. She's even more selfish than Kristen, which I didn't think was possible! This one will be tricky; you can't convince a dumbass to do what you want without stooping down to their level.

[Joel McHale]

My fingers were crossed.